Finding the right words to express comfort to a friend who is struggling can be difficult. Sometimes “I’m here for you” can seem like it’s not enough to express how much you feel for them. Even when you know you can’t, you might want to make things better, whether it’s a family argument, a bad breakup, or the death of a loved one. Even if it’s not what they want, you might try to be of assistance by giving them advice on how to solve their issues.
The primary goal of comforting is to ease someone’s burden and suffering by helping to lighten their load. Other related objectives include showing the other person how much we care for them or how much we love them. Often, we also try to help the other person make sense of the situation or issue at hand and to better understand their emotions
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Tips To Comfort Someone
Most frequently, when a close friend starts crying, people find themselves stuck and unsure of what to do or say. While there are suggestions for how we can console a friend or our partner emotionally, it’s important to remember that everyone’s definition of comfort varies. What works for your friend might not work for your partner. These are the few measures we can take to comfort someone.
Witness Their Feelings
“I know that this is a hard time for you, and I know that you’re hurting…”
“I hear you. It seems like you’re upset because…”
Just describe what you see or feel to begin comforting someone. Recognizing what you see and reassuring them by restating what they just said will help them feel heard. Additionally, it assists you in demonstrating your agreement with them and reduces the possibility that you will erroneously interpret their circumstances.
Affirm That Their Feelings Make Sense
“Of course you’re upset—when … happened to me, I was, in all sincerity, also upset.”
Try to use the same emotional word that they did (e.g., disappointed, heartbroken, etc.) to validate someone else’s feelings. Personal experiences from the past can occasionally help us demonstrate our ability to relate. However, be careful not to change the focus of the conversation to you, but rather, share to show that you empathize. Focus on the other person’s story instead of comparing your past experiences to theirs.
Draw Out Their Feelings
“Tell me what happened, and how it made you feel.”
Most often, people just want to be heard, though occasionally someone will ask for advice or a solution to a problem. We hope to elicit a more detailed response from them by asking how something made them feel. It is not solely just about what they felt but it’s how they felt that we can gain deeper insights into their world. By asking someone “how” instead of “what”, this avoids being caught in one-word replies. Even if you find yourself with a one-word reply to “how did that make you feel”, you would have given the person more room to share if they wanted to.
It’s important to realize that your job is to get the other person to talk, not to talk yourself, before jumping right to a suggested solution. We can comprehend someone’s feelings more fully if they express what and why they are depressed in words. Avoid asking “why” questions, which could come across as being judgmental, in favor of helping the other person understand their suffering.
Don’t Minimize Their Pain
When the other person bursts into tears, it is natural for us to react with, “don’t cry…”, “you’ll feel better”, or “cheer up”. This, however, goes against logic and might appear to be an attempt to minimize how the other person is feeling. Instead, of brushing their feelings aside or focusing on how they will feel better in the future, show up for them in the present (Tartakovsky, 2018)
Offer Physical Affection If Appropriate
People occasionally don’t want to talk and don’t want you to talk either. Give him or her a hug if it is appropriate even though they or might not be prepared to share. The degree of affection you express frequently should be reflected in these physical affections. If this person is your partner, a hug or a snuggle would be appropriate, but if you have never hugged them before, a hand on their shoulder might be sufficient.
Affirm Your Support And Commitment
It is crucial at that time to let your friend know that you do care about them and that you are sorry for what they are going through. While they might feel better after talking to you, reaffirm your support and let them know that you are
If you find yourself in the opposite situation, where your partner is unable to comfort you when you need them the most, there are ways to get your partner to offer you emotional support. In other words, we can help them help us.
Tell Them They’re Special
Knowing that we are someone special someone makes us all feel good. Say how much your friend means to you.
Because a handwritten note is the best, express your gratitude for having a friend like them in your life.
Give Positive Reinforcement
According to scientific research, each negative thought must be balanced out by three positive ones.
says Dr. Erin Stair, a doctor and health advisor who owns Blooming Wellness in New York.
Your friend may not have been the source of those negative thoughts, but they can be disproved by three positive statements at once!
Keep Things Simple
Remember that even if they needed some assistance, the majority of people would not readily share.
But you should at least make an effort by requesting a conversation.
Simply asking that question will do a lot to soothe their feelings.
How To Comfort Someone
Who Is Sad
It can be challenging to lift a friend, family member, or partner out of their sadness because all you want to do is make them feel better. However, it’s not always that simple, and sometimes it’s better to accept your emotions than to try to make them seem unwelcome. Just tell them what you love about them while paying attention to them, possibly giving them a back rub (if they’re okay with it).
If you’re trying to figure out how to comfort someone who is crying, there are a few things to be cautious of. Don’t hand them a tissue, for instance, even if you’re just trying to comfort them; it might give them the impression that you want them to stop crying. Allow them some time to vent, and when or if they do decide to speak, just listen.
Who Is Stressed
When the person you’re comforting is stressed out, you’ll want to be calm and use a calming tone — but NEVER say “calm down.” We are aware that this is confusing. But that statement can completely invalidate their feelings. They’ll probably only become more anxious and react angrily! Instead, find out what is stressing them out and VALIDATE those feelings. Reminding them that it’s acceptable to take a break or concentrate on one thing at a time may also be beneficial.
Who Is Angry
Just like with stress, telling someone who is angry to “calm down” is probably not a good idea. However, you must maintain your composure around them and request an explanation of the source of their rage. Now is the time to simply acknowledge their feelings while listening. (Your role right now is to stand up for them because later after they’ve had some time to think, they might change their minds and become less irate.)
Who Is Scared
When someone is afraid, encouraging words for a friend, family member, or significant other should center on reassurance. At this point, logic is probably out the window because fear can instantly put someone into fight or flight mode. Keep your composure for their sake, but avoid making them feel as though they are being unreasonable. Help them to ground by teaching them the 5-4-3-2-1 technique and how to slow their breathing.
Therefore, keep this article in mind the next time a loved one is going through a difficult time. We promise that in any circumstance, sitting with them, listening to them out, and telling them how awesome they are will help them feel just a little bit better. Also, never forget to acknowledge and respect your audience’s feelings.
